funny familiar forgotten feelings

spotify has made me a very random person. listening to everything from frank sinatra, to louis armstrong, to david crowder band, to tim hughes, to *Ben Cantelon - highly recommended :)*, to delirious?, to tommy emmanuel, to andy mckee, to sound of music, to mary poppins... the list just goes on and on...

i think after this i'm going to listen to christmas songs. hahaha :D

been doing quite a bit of studying, exams in 2 weeks. oh xl if you are reading this, jia you for your exams! :)

somehow very frequently when i study, i think back about indonesia. during one of the bedside teaching session, we discussed acute heart failure and it's management, from which i got to learn about intra-aortic balloon pump - a device here basically that could save lives of AHF patients. First thing that came to mind, C, that indonesian girl, would have been alive today if they had this device. If only, if only, if only. I drifted away for a few seconds, but really paid attention to the rest of it. But that feeling, it gripped me, even till now. a solution was created 40 years ago for that very moment, but because we were in a deprived area, there was no way she was going to get it.

then now, here i am studying about congenital heart disease. Flashbacks hit on that poor little girl. she fits in everything describe by the book, except that the only treatment for what she had would have been cardiac surgery, extensive cardiac surgery. Really really extensive. but of course, it couldn't be done in a remote hospital.

i don't know what this feeling is. all i know, it's really strange.