singing the blues helplessly

i suddenly miss home. I was better than fine yesterday.


Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday
Came suddenly

But unlike the beatles, mine is not due to some girl leaving me (or guy)

i just miss being at home. Doing things i know i can do only with people who already understands me

I miss being in a company of people who really really understands me.

People who have known me, seen my heart, heard my cries.

People who have loved me cared for me and bring me through my darkest nights.

I do love the fun and the fun loving people here. But i just felt like having a heart to heart talk. Look around and no, they are not here.

1 month is a pretty short time for that. I understand that. And i'm giving time. Heck, we have a long and winding 5 years ahead.

I just feel like going back to ktj or kuching. Just for one day. Stepping down the steps that i've known so well, looking at that tree outside my window, knowing that my neighbour in ktj is always there for me, or bunnios warren is just a phone call away. And still those people that i've known so well, from how they sleep, burp, fart, eat, talk, dress, or plainly go random. I miss talking to my parents face to face when u dun need to bother bout keeping them up late or early in the morning. No worries bout time differences wadsoever. Or them being busy at the times i'm free.

Don't misunderstand me. I do feel comfortable here. I do feel at home here most of the time. It's just one of those days u wanna let go. Wanna climb up a secluded mountain and scream your heart out. Too bad arthur's seat is too attractive for that. Probably meet some ppl i know on the way up or down.

It's one of those days when i feel like hanging out with people i really know, or just be on myself.

Being sick for the past week doesn't help. And having drunkards singing so near my room with such loud music even at this hour doesn't help at all. Oh, why on earth can't they be sensible. Just as long as they dun set the fire alarm off in the middle of the night AGAIN. I'll find the vet's dissection kit if they do. Hannah said she'd, but she was just too tired the other day.

I came to uni knowing it'll be wild. But sometimes sensibility and maturity can be highly appreciated. Not one night went by this week without those fellas blaring their sound systems. The bass can kill. Their worse-than-william-hung singing at a fire alarm volume doesn't help.

I know that fellow students here do make a certain amount of effort to make everyone feel at home here. Till today, i didn't really feel homesick, at all. Yes, home's good and food's good back home. But i just din feel it that much. not to the point i'm homeSICK.

oh well, mike porter (my lecturer for sociology and psychology) might just as well say homesickness is an example of bio-psycho-social model of health and illness.

Knowing that i'm really behind time in terms of revision doesn't help.
Knowing that malaysia is quite a distance away doesn't help.

I'm not angry, i'm sad. But dun worry, as usual, this will be a sudden, short bout. Charis will be up and running again, hopefully soon.

God restore me.