1 litre of tears

Following the previous post, i've started watching One litre of tears. And it must have given me at least a cup of tears since i started.

I'm not usually a weepy person when it comes to movies. Mainly because weepy touchy feely movies are usually that of romance. Romantic heartbreak. Which, because i'm not attached of yet, am totally unable to relate to. Plus, all that fake complicated dramatized drama ain't really my cup of tea. Love triangles. Bah.

I don't remember tearing in many shows. I tear in shows that people don't usually tear. Shows like Narnia. and Karate Kid. and even some random Malay show on RTM. it's just some scenes in these movies that really strike a nerve. Of course, there are the more normal ones to tear in, like Yasmin Ahmad's ads. And the Pianist. And the ending of Lord of the Rings. And when Gandalf 'died'. And funnily i tear when i see people succeed. Even the top gear crew.

I used to think i'm quite 'hard' in that sense. And i do make fun of people tearing/crying/weeping at movies or books. But this show has reduced me to a huge pile of unrecognisable tears. The thing is, it's based on a real story. And her courage and how others join in to help and how her family battles the whole illness together as one really really touch me.

Doesn't help that it comes at a time when i just saw a SCD/A patient not too long ago. And that i've an interest in neurology. Ah, neuro. Perhaps. Maybe.

Given an entirely hypothetical situation where i actually pursue this dream and am able to, it would cost me many years. At least 11 more years of training to be exact. And a lot of money, though money can be earned along the way. And freedom. After 11 years, many of my peers would have been either attached, married, or even have their own babies! And there's the dilemma of where to work during those years. Sarawak, I have always wanted to come home as soon as possible to work here. To experience the houseman years here, though hard as it may be, would be what i would think of as quite rewarding. This is my home. This is my homeland. If we don't take care of it and her people, who will? We can't just talk big and rely on the govt, especially not when they seem to prioritise a new state-of-the-art state legislature building costing a whopping RM300M when a perfectly functional older version exist, all happening at the same time as Sarawak being well known as having many indigenous people living in poverty, without access to roads, schools or basic healthcare (not including the bomohs, of course). How can this actually co-exist in the same place where the decision is made by people who are supposed to be taking care of the welfare of her people? Just pointing the finger wouldn't work. Neither would running away work.

But, realistically, if i do happen to come back. the chances of that very distant dream would probably be even more distant. With current red-tape in place and the lack of meritocracy in our system, what are the chances of me passing through all these hurdles to get there? The irony is, Sarawak really needs neurologists. There are currently 2 million people in Sarawak. Of that, based on current statistics, more than 1% suffer from stroke and 1% from epilepsy. 1% as small as it seems would mean 20, 000 people. There would be many having brain tumours, both benign and malignant. Others having many different types of headaches and vertigo, sensation problems, degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinsons and even SCD, others having spinal cord injury, meningitis, etc. And currently, to cater for all these people in Sarawak, there are only 2 neurologists. TWO! One currently working in private practice after many years serving in UNIMAS as a lecturer. And currently, after that doctor left, UNIMAS has no neurologists to train their students in neurology. Which is depressing, considering that it really took me consultant neurologists and professors totally passionate about the subject giving me lectures to keep me attentive, what more excited about their lectures.We need neurologists. But would you let me be one if i come back? Would you?

Of course this is completely hypothetical, that God willing, i keep my interest in neurology till then. Will see where God wills. Where God wills, nothing will be impossible.